by Katarina MacLeod. July 10, 2014.
On July 10 Katarina MacLeod approached Sun News Network to publish an essay she wrote regarding the ongoing debate over Bill C-36, the federal government’s new prostitution legislation.
We have agreed as we believe her words shed an important light on the debate as a woman who has survived the world of prostitution.
Sun News Network cautions readers that the content is graphic, inappropriate for children, and may be disturbing for some.
On June 12 I was part of the press conference with Conservative MP Joy Smith when a reporter asked her if she was a woman of faith. Since that moment, the pro-legalization movement and some in the media have suggested that I too am in support of Bill C-36 because of my religious beliefs. Well, I’d like to make a few things clear. First and foremost, while this is a moral issue, I did not leave prostitution because I found God and had an epiphany. I did not become a Christian until three years after I left the business. I spent 15 years servicing men and allowing them to use me any way they saw fit. All that time, I knew somehow, some way I needed to get out because it was killing me.
Let’s be honest and stop sugarcoating this so-called “profession” and tell it like it is. I’ve had clients confess that the things they paid me to do were things they would never ask their wives, whom they respected, or their “child’s mother” to do.
Let’s talk about the real truth of some of the crap I experienced as a prostitute. Johns have urinated on me and asked me to do the same to them. I have also come in contact with men who have all kinds of fetishes – foot fetishes, bondage, being spanked, men wearing women’s clothing, anal fetishes, role play, and domination. Often they would want to play out rape scenes or ask me to pretend to be a little girl. Men would grab and pull at my breasts until I cried.
When I would tell them they were being too rough, they would argue instead of stopping. I’ve been put in every sexual position possible and pounded until I thought I would be ripped in two. I’ve had my hair pulled. I’ve been spit on. I’ve been choked and bitten. I experienced all of this because this was what they had paid for.
There also were the clients who would come in on a Friday or Saturday night with a group of buddies and they would all want a piece of me. The drunk or stoned clients would want you to party with them and if they could not get off because they were too wasted, it was somehow my fault and then the violence would begin.
There is nothing worse than a man who is intoxicated and then gets angry. I have been robbed at gun point, verbally abused, had my jaw dislocated, been raped anally, forced to give blow jobs and had my head held down till I puked.
So, no, this is not a spiritual or religious issue. This is an issue of exploitation and violence against women. I want more for our daughters. I want women to be respected and valued. I want our men to know that it is not right to use and abuse someone for their own gratification.
Prostitution will never be looked at as a legitimate job, even if it were legalized in every respect. Imagine your son comes home to tell you about the new girl he is dating and then you learn her profession is a prostitute. Do you think prostitution will ever be looked at as stand-up job? Would a parent ever express pride in a daughter who comes and says she has decided to become a prostitute?
Let’s do away with pro-legalization arguments from prostitutes who claim to like what they do and that it’s “empowering” or that they get to make their own hours.
First of all, I would ask pro-legalization types if they’ve ever been exposed to any kind of abuse before entering prostitution. If so, did they get any kind of therapy for what happened? Did they come from a loving two-parent home where morals and values were instilled, and where they were encouraged to make something of their lives? Did they end up with the wrong crowd?
At one point I would have been in favour of fully legalized prostitution because that was normal for me and it’s what I needed to do to survive. If I had admitted out loud then that it was wrong and that I deserved better, the shame and guilt would have eaten me alive, preventing me from doing what I needed to do.
Let’s talk about the “empowering” women.
It’s true that I never made large amounts of money as quickly or in so short a time as when I was a prostitute. Yes, I hated men abusing me, but the more money I made, the more I could justify why I was doing it. When men chose me at the massage parlour it made me feel wanted and beautiful in the moment, but the feeling faded pretty quickly. They only pick you because you’re fresh meat and they want to see how much they can get away with, or to see if you will do things cheaper than the other girls.
You soon realize it’s not that you’re beautiful or wanted. You’re just a hole for them to use. After a while you feel dirty and your mind starts to change. You no longer trust any man because more than half of johns are married and you really believe all men are just abusive pigs. You start to hate yourself, but you love the money and feel you need to keep on selling yourself. Around you, all the girls are getting high or the clients offer you drugs. If you were not already doing drugs before entering prostitution, then you start because you want to feel happy like the others instead of feeling miserable. If you have a horrible client and have to put on a smile for the next, drugs will help you numb yourself. Drugs also give boldness or openness to do more than you otherwise would be willing to do because you are so stoned, you just don’t care.
I have heard so many girls say they’re only going to do service johns to pay for school, which they never finish. If they do finish school, they say they’ll stay in prostitution only for a little while to make extra money, but it’s never enough. You lose who you once were and it’s replaced by this new you who is provocative. You become desensitized to everything sexual and all the things that men want from you become normal when, in fact, they’re degrading. You become angry and tough. You lose any innocence you had, sex becomes a job, and you lose the ability to separate real life from the fantasy life you portray to johns. How do you become a toy to johns, then go home and make love to your man? You don’t. Any sex I had with boyfriends while I was a prostitute was just me acting the same way I did with clients.
Now that I am married, even the act of sex itself just reminds me of being a prostitute. There is so much damage done not just to your physical body, but your spirit and your soul. Deep wounds become ingrained in who you are. It takes a lot of work and support to leave prostitution and heal. You don’t even realize how much damage is done till after you leave and become sober. Then you are left to deal with the shame and mistrust while you try to find the girl you once were. Sadly she is gone and you have to learn all over again just how to be that girl.
So, this is not about me being a Christian. This is about me wanting more for our women and children. That is why I support Bill C-36. For the first time ever in Canadian history, prostitutes will be looked at as victims and treated as such. The johns and sellers will be punished, while there will be programs for women who want to get out. The bill would also ban prostitutes from soliciting in a public place where anyone under the age of 18 may be present. Guess what? I don’t want children exposed to this. Where there are prostitutes, johns and pimps are not far behind. So, it’s a good thing not to have our kids put at risk by being offered or procured. Let’s get real and protect our youth while helping prostitutes get out and start a new life.
Source: Sun News Network
Katarina MacLeod,
Rising Angels